Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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