Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Are my feet made of real feet?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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