Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
