I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
