Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
