I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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