It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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