Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
