i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
