you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
