Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
