She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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