you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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