is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
