Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
