That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
