Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
