I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
