if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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