there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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