I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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