Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
