last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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