Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So apparently I’m into choking now
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