Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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