the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
