Are we in a gay sports bar?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
