Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
