so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
