Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He better not be in your backpack
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
