my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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