We need to rekindle our bromance
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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