so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
