i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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