i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
