i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
