Kareoke will never be a sober sport
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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