census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
