she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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