I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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