Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
