Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
operation have a gay friend backfired
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
