i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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