oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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