he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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