Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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