could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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