I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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