I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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