I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
