i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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