and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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