If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
