The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
