I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just cropdusted the office
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
