I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
