Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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