Can i not drive my cunt home
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
