i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
