How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Randomize