mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
