Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
