I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
