I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
