They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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