She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
