went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
