someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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